Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
