She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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