But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
