i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize