My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
