I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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