i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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