Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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