This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
