she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
