so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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