Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
