Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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