I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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