If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
