If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
