Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
