My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
