I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
