My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
