you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
