just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
