you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
