At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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