You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize