how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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