I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
