At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
MIDGETS
????
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
