I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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