So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
