I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Two words: blizzard sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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