After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
