Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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