can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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