She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
