you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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