Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
