BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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