I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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