i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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