i barfeds in our rink
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
