he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
