I heard we made out
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
