Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
