we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
