using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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