i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
