I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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