If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
