Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
