I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize