It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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