Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
