wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
