So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
