No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
