thus making me awesome and them whores
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
