I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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