called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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