Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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