I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
