Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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