there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
