if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
