honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
