Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize