he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
