last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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