He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
